


Memories For Ourselves

by SmilesRawesome



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Tarsus IV, and all the shit you would expect from that, and do not like each other, but not for several chapters!, implied self destructive tendencies, implied/referenced eating disorder, or years from the characters pov, other than pining / crushing, the boys meet as teens, theres gonna be no underage in this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 14:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9388253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmilesRawesome/pseuds/SmilesRawesome
Summary: In a universe where Jim and Spock meet as teenagers when Jim is sent to live on Vulcan, how do they get on?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! My first Star Trek fic! I wrote this on my phone lmao so please forgive / point out mistakes so I can fix them. Anyway. So here's this.

James Kirk was an emotional, irrational, and illogical human being.

 

James Kirk was also a very angry human being.

 

The boy had been staying at the S'chn T'gai household for one month, two weeks, four days, seventeen hours, and thirty seven minutes, earth solar time, and during that period he had managed to start eight fights with other students, resulting in six broken hands (that were quickly healed with a regenerator).

 

Ah. Make that seven broken hands.

 

"James Tiberius Kirk, I do not understand why you yet again assaulted one of our peers. You are well aware that our bone density is greater than that of a human, and therefore--"

"Oh, just shut the fuck up, Spock." Jim snapped at him, glaring from his position on the floor and cradling the broken hand. Spock might have raised an eyebrow at such behaviour, but they were still surrounded by said peers, who would take any chance they could to try and twist the action into some sort of emotional response.

 

"You must come with me to a healer, and I must inform my parents of your actions." Spock answered with his usual level of Vulcan calm. This seemed to be the wrong thing to say, however, as the blonde pushed himself off the ground and into his personal space.

"I'm not a fucking child, Spock! Can't you just leave me alone?!" Jim fumed, making an unfamiliar noise with his mouth before shoving Spock out of his way and stalking across the room to the way out.

 

He would have frowned at the comment, but not around these particular people. James was a child, by both Vulcan and Terran laws. Why would he claim he was not? Yet again, the human was spouting nonsense, like the story he had told about it 'raining cats and dogs'. Neither felines or canines fell from an atmosphere on any planet, least of all Earth.

 

As much as he did not want to admit it, he did not like James Kirk. It was an insult to his control that he felt this dislike, and it would take much meditation tonight to reign in the feeling. The teen Vulcan dismissed the human from his thoughts and went back to his work, finishing up his last projects of the day.

 

His thoughts were focused on a fascinating math problem on his walk home, so he was unprepared to find James Kirk already back at the house with Winona Kirk on a comm line, his own mother watching the blonde from the couch.

 

"-ead, I'll admit that. But I'm not doing so bad down here! Look, there was this test thi-"  
"Jimmy, please just stop."

Spock watched some of the facial muscles in James Kirk's face twitch.

"You're supposed to be getting into less trouble there. I thought these people could teach you some self control. Can't you just do this one thing right?"  
"Well, you see, this test thing, I-"  
"Not now, I've got to go back on duty. Goodbye, Jimmy."

 

Spock noted that Winona Kirk did not once look at her son's face, and both times she had called James Kirk 'Jimmy', the boy's face had twitched. He watched James Kirk sigh and slump in the seat he was in, holding the PADD displaying his test results close to his chest, one of his hands still bandaged.

 

"Nine fights." James Kirk murmured, obviously not intending to be heard, but Spock's own superior hearing could pick it up. "It only took her nine fights to call this time. Maybe if I break something more serious than my hand it'll take less."

 

Spock was.... Startled, would possibly fit best. Was the human only starting these fights to get parental attention? He thought back to the day the boy had been 'dropped off' at their house. Winona Kirk had not looked at her son then either, even though they would not be in company for several months while the woman worked on her new starbase posting. This was odd behaviour, especially with a species as emotional as humans.

 

Spock still did not like James Kirk, but perhaps... He had misjudged him.

 

But only slightly.

 

He was still annoyingly arrogant and illogical. Just because he strived for parental approval did not change the other aspects of James Kirk. Though Spock did understand the... Need... For approval of that sort. He was constantly striving to be as Vulcan as possible, in the hopes his father would be. Be...? Vulcans were not proud. But Sarek could one day not be disappointed in him.

 

If Spock were human, he might sigh. But he was not. He stepped back a few paces silently, then forward again more noisily. Entering the room, he walked towards his mother to allow her to embrace her as she was wont to do. After she released him, he turned towards the human who was leaving the room.

 

"James Tiberius Kirk, may I request your presence." He asked. The human sighed, like Spock had (not) wanted to just moments ago.  
"Yeah, what is it?" He asked. James Kirk did not seem angry as he usually did. In fact he was not being aggressive in any way at all, which was highly uncharacteristic of the boy. He just seemed very.... Tired.

 

"I did not mean to cause you offence earlier today. I am well aware you are capable of looking after your own needs. On occasion." Spock offered him. His voice held no emotion, nor did his face or posture in anyway. He was the epitome of Vulcan in that moment.

 

James Kirk was the epitome of human in that moment. His eyebrow raised in surprise, then lowered as his eyes narrowed in suspicion. He studied Spock for signs of trickery or dishonesty, then his face became lax with confusion, before a small but seemingly genuine smile settled on his features.

 

"Thanks Spock." James Kirk murmured softly, before turning the smile to the other human in the room. "Thank you, Amanda, for... Well. You know. I won't be joining you for dinner, but I'm sure it's great anyway."

"Of course dear, you go rest."

 

Amanda hummed quietly as the door to James Kirk's room shut. "I really do worry for that boy." She confessed, her hands grasping each other.

 

Spock knew her well enough to know she didn't mean she was worried about the trouble he actively caused. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao okay my updates won't always be this regular. It's just holidays at the moment and I have heaps of fun writing in Jim's POV. Anyway, chapter two!

Jim hated Vulcan.

  
It was too hot, too dry, you couldn't find a damn plant anywhere and the people were fucking dicks. Well, not Amanda, but he wasn't sure she counted since she was human. Her son on the other hand...

  
Spock was an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a riddle. For the most part, anyway. Some things were hilariously too easy to decipher. He loved his mother, he was desperate for approval from his father and his 'peers', he didn't like Jim.

  
Which was a shame, because Jim kinda liked Spock. He was funny, in a dry, sarcastic way, he was intelligent, could be kind when he wanted (through never towards Jim himself). Not to mention he was... Well, he was cute. But, again. Spock didn't like him.

  
Seriously, how many times did a guy have to ask to not be called James Tiberius Kirk? Even fucking _Sarek_ had dropped down to just the James.

  
He'd been on this dumb dry rock for almost three months now, and he was itching for something to do. The fights he'd been starting had died down, since Amanda had suggested to Winona weekly vid calls to 'keep a closer eye on him', though he knew it was really to keep him from crazily hurting himself. Amanda was smart, smarter than anyone but Jim was willing to give her credit for (well, Sarek and Spock said she was 'smarter than the average human', which he supposed could be a compliment?).

  
But he was getting bored, and twitchy. Never a good combination with him. There was only so much work he could do in a day, and he couldn't let people know he liked reading and solving problems for fun. He liked when people underestimated him. He'd survived once because of it, so he was going to use it to his full advantage.

  
Thing was... Jim didn't really want to start any more fights. Prissy as they were, they weren't much fun to fight, and he got hurt really easily. Now if he was on Earth...

  
Earth.

  
Shit.

  
He was homesick.

  
He missed green.

  
Green. Green house. There was a greenhouse at the VSA! He knew the S'chn T'gai family codes, he could totally sneak in! Finally, something fun to do!

  
Flipping his hood up (both to avoid sunburn and hide hide his hair and ears), he quickly finished up his current formula and turned off his learning station. Hiding his hands in his robe sleeves, it was easy to sneak by just pretending to walk like any other Vulcan, straight backed, slow, and meaningful. He made it all the way to the Vulcan Science Academy in that manner, unquestioned.

 

Hacking into one of the wall monitors scattered around, he located the greenhouse and started heading in that direction. He forced himself to keep up this calm persona, if he started getting twitchy now, he'd definitely be caught, and totally banned from this place for all eternity.

 

The Vulcan script above the door he found himself in front of definitely read 'greenhouse'. Swallowing once, he typed in Sarek's code and the door 'swooshed' open, allowing Jim to step through. He walked down the small corridor to the second door (there to protect the plants from the outside heat of Vulcan), and pushed that open to-.

 

  
He stopped breathing.

 

  
It was the most gorgeous garden he'd ever seen.

 

  
A wide grin took over his face, and as he fully stepped into the room, the door shutting behind him, he was instantly lighter. Of course, the gravity and temperature levels would be artificially decreased to preserve the plants, while the oxygen would be raised. This was his kinda atmosphere. He shucked off his outer robe and started running down the paths.

 

  
He ran, and ran, and ran, and god how he had missed running, missed being able to exercise without growing tired after only a few minutes. He had missed cool wind in his hair, whipping it everywhere with the occasional long strand slapping his face. He had missed green and purple and pink and blue and red, oh how he had missed red (not the dull red that was everywhere here, from the sand to the sky, but the bright red of roses, of poppies, of chrysanthemums, of whatever that Orion plant was).

 

  
He finally stopped about twenty minutes into his run, spotting a tree growing some kind of purple fruit. It took a few minutes to study the Vulcan information PADD about the plants in this section (sue him, Vulcan was hard), but the plants were edible. Plucking one from the tree was easy, and he moaned as he took a bite. Fresh fruit was so incredibly rare on Vulcan, and this was gorgeous. He wasn't sure what it was, but it was sweet and juicy, light pink on the inside.

 

  
Jim smiled, grabbing another fruit down to eat on his way out, and walking back slowly to actually enjoy the plants, not just the colours. He couldn't remember being so relaxed since... Since.... Since before Tarsus. Huh.

 

  
He looked down at the fruit in his hands, and realised he didn't feel guilty about eating it. Huh.

 

  
Maybe this place wasn't entirely bad. After all, someone had to care about this place for it to be in such good condition. He'd like to know such a person.

 

  
His comm was beeping in his robe, and he could hear it as he drew closer to the door. He ignored it, still enjoying the plants, and the information displayed about them. But when it went off for a third time, he sighed and jogged back to grab it.

 

  
"Jim here."   
"James Tiberius Kirk." Ah. The one who hated him.   
"What's up?"   
"I do not understand your query."   
"Cut the bullshit. You've got an eidetic memory and I've explained it to you several times." He bantered easily, teasing in his tone.   
"You have been called upon thirty seven times without answering. My mother is worried and your 'games' are illogical. You are requested to return to the house immediately." Spock answered in that same even tone he always used.

 

  
Checking the time, Jim winced. He'd been a lot longer than he'd realised. Shit, no wonder Amanda was worried.   
"Sure thing, I'll head right ho- back. I'll head right back."

 

  
He hung up the comm and pulled his robe on, trying not to think about how easily he'd slipped into a 'home' mindframe here, even though one of them tolerated him, another hated him, and only one really cared about him.

 

  
That really wasn't a thing he needed to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I wrote this on my phone so please point out any mistakes I missed! What did y'all think?? Want more?? Am I a comments ho?????? Yes. Hit me up!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again.

Spock did his best not to feel smug as he was once again the first to finish his education module for the fifth time that week. It didn't work very well, but there was at least no outward sign of the feeling.

  
His comm chimed, and he heard the comms around the room chiming as well. The results of the half yearly tests were in. Opening the message, the smug feeling swelled, as well as a feeling of pride. It was all illogical, feeling was illogical, but he couldn't help it. In the privacy of his learning console, he allowed himself to raise an eyebrow.

  
He had ranked second out of the entirety of his peer group, T'Pring being the only one to surpass him. Continuing down the list-.

  
" _WHOOO_!!"

  
Spock was startled at James Kirk's shout, but luckily no one had seen him raise his eyebrows or turn his head towards the human boy. Taking control of his features, he looked back down at the list, only to internally startle again. James Tiberius Kirk was listed as number five in their peer ranking. There was the sound of running feet getting closer to him and then-.

  
James Kirk had never hugged him before, and the few times they had touched in the past (brief pats on the shoulder, arms brushing in the hallway), the emotion transferred through Spock's touch telepathy had never been this... Elated, joyous, excited, stunned, a flurry of other emotions Spock didn't have the capacity to label in the moment.

  
"Spock! Spock did you see this?! Can you believe it?! I beat ninety five of these assholes! And you beat ninety eight!" James Kirk's yelling continued without words, just excited sounds as he somehow shook Spock while not releasing him from the hug.

  
"James Tiberius Kirk, I am perfectly capable of seeing the listings myself. There is no need for such an illogical and emotional display." Spock uttered. Turned out all he had needed to make himself into a true Vulcan was an arrogant, irritating human house-guest.

  
Instantly the emotions changed from being overwhelmingly positive, to negative. Hurt, sadness, despair, and a surprisingly small amount of anger given what Spock knew of his personality, when it was very suddenly yanked away as James Kirk let go of him and took three rapid steps back to the edge of his learning console. The emotions he had felt were plastered all over James Kirk's face for only a second, before they quickly morphed into the annoying, 'cocky' grin he had grown to know over the past six months.

  
"Just checking, Spocko. Gotta keep you on your toes and all that. Let Amanda know I'm gonna be late home tonight, yeah?" James Kirk winked and headed back towards his own learning console.

  
Spock had never considered that the emotions James Kirk displayed may not be his true ones.

  
Vulcans were an honest people. It was illogical to be otherwise. While he had experienced trickery under James Kirk, he had not believed him capable of outright lying, because it was not the Vulcan way.

  
And yet...

  
Was that perhaps unfair, to judge him as a Vulcan? He had never done so with his mother, and yet he insisted on doing so with James Kirk. Humans were not Vulcans, and humans were a strange mix of strength and fragility.

  
James Kirk was physically strong, for a human, he was obviously much smarter than Spock had ever realised, he disappeared of an afternoon to come back in the evening and be flushed red not with heat, but excitement. He made friends with his mother, made her laugh and offered her casual touches that were outside Vulcan logic. He played chess with his father and had come close to beating him several times. He was also desperate for his mothers approval, starting fights because it was the only way he knew to get her attention. He lost his temper easily, throwing punches because a peer had mentioned Amanda or-.

  
Or Spock.

  
James Kirk was hurt by his words because he considered Spock a friend.

  
While he did nothing but try and keep the human as far from him as possible.

  
Was he responsible for emotionally hurting James Kirk?

  
The thought was... Unpleasant. He finished reading the peer list, then slipped the comm into his pocket and started heading for James Kirk's learning terminal. It was easy enough to find him, he had somehow found a chair and was eating on an imported snack food from earth, presenting his middle finger to anyone that asked him to stop crunching.

  
"James Tiberius Kirk?" Spock inquired, not wanting to disturb him from his studies. The human stiffened, but quickly relaxed again. Perhaps forcefully? But he waved a hand in an invitation to enter his console area, so Spock complied.

  
"I have become aware that I have been remiss in my duties to you as a host. I would like to proposition that we share activities of interest in an attempt to rectify this mistake." The Vulcan proposed. He watched James Kirk frown, pause his simulation and then turn fully to face him.   
"Is that the Vulcan equivalent of 'sorry I was a dick, let's hang out'? Really? After ignoring me for six months you just wanna pretend everything's a-okay?" James Kirk made an undignified sound known as a 'snort' and shook his head. "Un-fucking-believable. Jeez, thought he was a prick before."

  
This last comment was not meant to be heard, but James Kirk often forgot Vulcan ears were more powerful. However, James Kirk was not wrong. This was Spock's own mistake, he must make greater strides to fix it.

  
\--------------------

  
"Where did you go today, James?" Spock asked as the human returned home.

  
"Out." James Kirk replied tersely.

  
A fair reaction, given what Spock had meant by the other times he had asked the question.

  
\--------------------

  
"Did you enjoy your outing today, James?"

  
"It was fine. Before you ask, I got my damn work done."

  
\--------------------

  
"Would you like a game of chess?"

  
"Sarek already beat me twice today, you don't need to rub it in."

  
\--------------------

  
"How did you find the education sessions today, James?"

  
"They were just... _Fine_."

  
\--------------------

  
"Alright, what's your deal lately?"

  
Spock turned to blink up at James Kirk standing in the doorway to his room, arms crossed, posture stiff, face and voice betraying anger. He wasn't sure what he had done to warrant such anger, but it was there.   
"To what are you referring, James?" He asked, genuinely wanting to know.

  
"To what am I- these questions! I'm well aware you've always held some level of- of dislike- or disdain- or whatever the fuck word suits your Vulcan sensibilities, but lately you've been- all on my case! 'Did you do all your work James? _Could_ you do all your work James? Do you want your lack of intelligence thrown in your _damn_ face again _James_?'! Ever since those damn rankings came out, you've been- you've been an ever bigger dick than you have been!" James Kirk snapped, his fists clenched by his sides and his chest heaving.

  
Had the human taken his Tri-Ox compound lately? It was necessary for humans who stayed long term on Vulcan in order to deal with the lower amount of oxygen in the Vulcan atmosphere. It had taken six weeks trial to find a version which did not cause him to go into anaphylactic shock, yet even after that, James Kirk would refuse the medication with an almost panicked look. Spock was most likely misinterpreting the look, as it was most illogical to fear medicine.

  
That could be addressed later.

  
Right now, the human, emotional part of James Kirk needed to be calmed and reassured.

  
"That was not the intent of my questions." Spock answered, his voice calm, but his posture... Less stiff than normal. "You expressed that you found it troubling that I attempted to simply ignore the way I acted towards you before engaging you socially. I came to the conclusion that this was sound logic, and attempted to connect with you over things you found of interest, or that we had in common. I believe the human phrase is 'baby steps'. If my questions caused you offence, I... I apologise. I am not as learned in human culture as I could be."

  
James Kirk was not any less angry.   
"So, what? You see I'm not a complete idiot and decide, hey, maybe I'm not a complete waste of time?"   
"I did not think you were lacking intelligence."   
"Oh yeah? Did you think I was rank five worthy?"

  
Spock could not answer that without hurting James Kirk's feelings. However, the human seemed to understand his answer anyway.   
"Yeah. I thought so." Blue eyes flashed for just a second, and Spock was reminded of the rush of negative emotions.

  
"James, I made an error in judgement. I believed, wrongly so, that your presence here would cause negative repercussions among my- now our, peers towards me. It was something I was deliberately attempting to avoid, and as such, I dismissed logic. I did not allow myself to see you as you are, but kept trying to measure you to Vulcan standards. The fact that you ranked so high simply made me aware of my illogical use of time. That I was wrong about you."

  
James Kirk swallowed, and unclenched his hands, instead now crossing them again. He appeared to be examining the words, and Spock, for trickery.   
"Well. You're not off the hook that easy. But we can give it a shot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a comments ho tell me what you thought pls.

**Author's Note:**

> Did y'all like it? Hit me up my dudes!


End file.
